Testing, testing.

The other day the boy tried skipping school.  It was a good try too, I have to give him that.  He's in high school now and figured that the school wouldn't call if he didn't show up.  Surprise!  The phone call came and when confronted he said "I didn't skip school!", and then quickly changed to "I wasn't feeling well!".  Nice try, kid.  So I smirked and said "well now you know what happens when you skip school.  It was a good try - I would have done the same thing.  Don't do it again."

Perhaps I wasn't harsh enough but it was hard to get really mad when I found the whole thing quite amusing.

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I signed the boy up for driver's ed this week too.  I will have a teenager out on the road driving.  Shit, I'm not old enough to have a teenager, man!  And this driver's ed is totally diffferent than when I was learning!  When I was a kid, they'd kick you in the ass, give you a car, and tell you to drive.  These days they have to do 30 hours of classroom time, maintain a 70% average, and do 24 hours of driving time at home, with the parents keeping a log book of the hours.  Jesus. 

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Went to a baby shower yesterday.  I don't see what all the fuss is about.  It's a baby.  Do they all not realize that the baby will turn into a terror soon? 

I didn't hold the baby when it came around to me.  Yah, sure, she was cute and cuddly and all those nice baby things.  I just wasn't interested.  "Afraid it'll rub off on you?" one of the aunties asked me.  "Yeah, that's it", I said.

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Transit Virginity

I lost my transit virginity this week.  I bet you didn't realize there was one, did you?  Let me explain: 

My morning bus to school is packed.  It's packed to the brink that I have to stand from Mountain and McPhillips to the University of Manitoba.  Granted, it's an express bus and gets me there in under 40 minutes, which is much faster than if I took a car, but still, it's a long time to stand.  So this past Tuesday was no different than any other Tuesday (well, except for the ALL DAY torrential downpour, but that's for another time.  Every try spending a day in school, with classes all over the campus and THEN go to work in an office downtown while trying not to look like a drowned rat?  Try it.  It's a blast, I assure you.).  I stopped at the local Robin's to grab a coffee and went to stand by my bus stop with all the other kiddies to wait for my school bus.  It lumbered along and as usual, there was no place to sit.  So I claimed my spot at the back of the bus, put my bag on the floor between my legs, placed one hand on the handle in front of me, the other gripped my coffee for dear life, and prepared myself for a ride of quick stops and jerky accelerations.  My bus driver is a former NASCAR racer, or so it seems.

There is a stop on Portage and Sherbrook that is a fairly popular spot for a few people on my bus.  Seems not everyone is a U student.  Who knew?  So far I haven't been one of the lucky ones to grab a seat once someone exits, but Tuesday was My Turn.  A spot opened up but it was a seat down from where I was standing and there was already a woman standing there.  She turned to me and said "go ahead".  I said, "really?? thanks!!", and quickly made myself comfortable.  People shuffled back to make more room and I proudly settled in and made myself comfortable.  Yes, I was feeling quite smug actually.

Standing to my side, amongst all the other stander-uppers was this young guy with really nice jeans.  I remember him because I remember looking at his jeans and thinking "those are really nice jeans".  Well, the guy-in-the-really-nice-jeans decided to fart not quite in my face, but damn near just about. And it was a NASTY ASS fart. It was so fucking gross I wanted to stand up and slap him.  I covered my mouth and thought to myself "I'm never sitting down on my morning bus EVER again."

And so, now I know why the lovely woman offered her seat to me.  She had once lost her transit virginity just as I had, and had a fart thrown in her direction too.  Hopefully my transit initiation is now complete. Not sure I can take much more.

Something I find annoying:

The other day I took a work question to the responsible lawyer.  She says: "let's look at this logically", and I wanted to say, "as opposed to illogically you mean?".

Annoying.

I never knew...

• That I'd gain serious muscles in my arms from lugging books everywhere.
• That I'd have to stand all the way from Mountain and McPhillips to the U of M because the bus is so packed with kiddies
• That my class sizes would be so big
• That I'm probably the oldest in each class except for the Prof
• That I'd end up working harder PT than I did FT
• That because I'd be so short of money that I actually have more of it now (how weird is that??)
• That I'd become an expert on bus schedules
• That I'd wear flats nearly all the time
• That instead of finding bling to wear I'm looking for baseball caps
• That I wouldn't need the gym because I walk everywhere and carry a 50 lb bag

And there's more and more but I need to catch my bus.

Later, yo.

Remember when?

I shipped the boy off to his first day of high school today with his shiny new bus pass. He overslept and took a 15 minute shower, but eventually I got him out the door.  His eyes were glued to his phone, his fingers never missing a beat on the key pad; he was late meeting his friends.  This is his first time taking a transit bus to school and with only 5 kids from his junior high off to the same school, he didn't want to have to go alone. My heart went out to him - I know he was nervous.  I was too on my first day of high school.  But reality hit him hard this morning.  There's no more sleeping in every day.  There's no more luxurious 15 minute showers.  He's back at home now and I get to be the bad guy.

I hope he knows where to get off and transfer.

Tomorrow is my turn. Ugh.

Attempted Murder

I was almost killed yesterday by a little tiny perky blonde 20-something, with a voice like a drill sargent, and a glare that could burn holes in your skin, I swear she just about killed me.  It was my first ever spin class and the instructor is a monster.  It was an hour of pure hell.  "Load it up and attack!" she would scream.  "Not enough, load some more!"  And she would know if you didn't load up the tension on the bike because she would give you that *glare* and scream "LOAD IT".  I just about shit my pants when she did that to me, I was so scared. So I loaded it some more and attacked, just like she said.  I was fearing for my life at this point.  The woman is ruthless and quite literally, fucking crazy.  By the end I wasn't sure if I was shaking from exhaustion or from fear.

She came up to me later and said in a sweet voice, great effort, see you next week!  And tossed her blonde hair over her shoulders and bounced away.

Go eat bread, I wanted to say.  Bitch.