Top 10 Things of Being Unemployed

I'm unemployed for a day and I've compiled a list of why this one day is The Best Ever!!

1.  I have an excuse to watch my latest vice until 2 in the morning Sunday night:  The L-Word.

*Disclaimer:  I may watch the L-Word but that does not mean I am a lesbian.  It's just a really good show about good looking lesbians.  And after a few episodes, all that girl-on-girl sex becomes quite boring anyway.  I mean, really, gorgeous lesbians having all that sex?  It's fiction all the way.  I say:  Just bring on the drama ladies!!  Makes my life feel so....normal!*

2.  I get to sleep in!

Screw the gym.  I'm unemployed!  Does that not entitle me to lay around and get fat(er)!? Abso-fuckin-lutely!!  So I slept in all the way to 7.  Yah, I'm totally living on the edge!

3.  I get to catch up on day time TV.

(If I wanted to.)

4.  I can get a start on all my "to do" projects.

(Or not.)

5.  I can reacquaint myself with napping.

(Which I plan on doing in about 10 minutes.)

6.  I get to feel like a "kept woman" for a day.  "Honey, can I have some money to go shopping?  Oh, never mind.  Can I just have your credit card?"

7.  I can lay back and think of all the things I could be doing.  (Cleaning the closets, organizing my clothes, cleaning the fridge.)

8.  I can prepare a healthy hot lunch ready for the boy and make warm chocolate chip cookies for an after school treat.  Problem with that is he's (nearly) 15 with raging hormones - my breathing totally pisses the kid off.  I think I'll just let him do his thing instead.

9.  I can slave all day in the kitchen preparing some incredible gourmet meal for dinner.

(i.e., "Is this Gondola Pizza?  Great.  Can I have a large.....")

10.  Or I can go to my nail appointment, check out my new parking spot to prepare myself for tomorrow (and for every day after that), hand in my old building and parking pass and meet some friends for lunch like I was planning on doing.

You know, there's not nearly enough time in a day.  This unemployment business deserves at least a week to be enjoyed to the fullest.  I think it should be researched further. 

End of Chapter 4

And thus ends Chapter 4 of my professional career.  Driving home from work last night I've thought of all the law offices I have worked and how every one of them has taught me valuable lessons:

1.  Aikins:  Working here for 10 years taught me the ropes as a legal assistant and then as a paralegal.  I learned the importance of maturity.

2.  Pitblado:  Working here for 9 months introduced me to fashion.  I was inspired to improve my style.

3.  Taylor:  Working here for a year taught me the perils of working with catty women.  I learned the importance of keeping my head down and my mouth shut.

4.  Levene:  Working here for the past 3 years taught me that I really need to accept that business is business and that it's nothing personal.

What will I learn next?  At this point, I'm just hoping I don't fail.

Besides feeling slightly anxious and yeah, a tad scared, I'm excited.

I think.

Pillow Talk

Setting:  Bedroom, 9:30 p.m., Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Me:  (in an angeglic, non-whiney voice) "Honey, I can't sleep"

Him:  "No?"

Me:  "No, will you sing to me?"

Him:  "No"

(slight pause)

Him:  "Why don't you count sheep?"

Me:  "ok"

(slight pause)

Me:  "Do they jump from left to right or right to left"

Him:  "For me they jump left to right"

(slight pause)

Me:  "Yah, they jump left to right for me too"

(slight pause)

Me:  "Are they white sheep or black sheep?"

Him:  "White of course.  They can't be black because it's night time."

(slight pause....then hysterical laughter)

Me:  "What?  Why can't they be black sheep?"

Him:  "Because then you won't see them"

Me:  "Oh"

(slight pause)

Me:  "Do they take a running start or just jump?"

Him:  "They take a running start"

Me:  "How much of a running start?"

Him:  "About 25 yards"

Me:  "So, is that like from here to the kitchen?"

Him:  "No, it's about from the neighbour's house."

Me:  "Wow, that's quite the run they take"

Him:  "Well, they need to build momentum to be able to jump the fence."

Me:  "Oh."

(slight pause)

Me:  "What colour is the fence?"

Him:  "White"

Me:  "Yah, white works"

(slight pause)
(snoring)

Me:  "Hey are you sleeping??"

Him:  "Yup"

Me:  "I'm not tired."

Him:  "Try counting sheep."

Teenage Choices

When I was in Grade 9 my only concern was when my then boyfriend (now ex-husband) was going to come pick me up so we could skip school, go play pool or hang out at his place (well, his parents place, really).  It was the days of fast cars, bad garage bands, and having enough change to buy a slurpee.  We thought we were the coolest people around and oh how we were! Me with my harem pants and jellie shoes, him with is blonde spiked mullet and full blown porno style moustache, and we never could get enough of Def Leppard, Duran Duran, Skid Row and Cinderella.  We smoked cigarettes, hung out at Kildonan Park in his cool blue camaro with the t-top windows pulled out, and thumbed our noses at the park police who drove by with their stern glares.  School?  What was that?

Tonight the child and I were at a parents meeting at his school to discuss the transition from junior high to high school.  We discussed school options - the local high school (with an exceptional academic reputation) or a technical vocational school, and the advantages of each.  I've always been of an open mind either way.  I want what he wants.  The kid is aware of the importance of secondary education and how it is NOT an option.  Whether it be a trade or a profession - he will go to secondary school, period.  He has made his decision and I'm bursting with pride.  He has decided to attend the technical vocational school and aim for a "dual diploma" which means he will be apprentice ready in his chosen field of vocation:  Electrician, while obtaining a University ready high school diploma. He wants to leave all his doors open, and has mentioned maybe going to business school after high school so that he will be ready to start his own business. He wants to be in a good position, he says, for his "family".  (And then a little piece of me inside started crying.  My boy is growing up so fast!)  It's a very mature decision considering some of the sacrifices he will be making (transit vs. walking, spares vs. no spares, etc.), and I'm incredibly proud of him.  He is such a good boy, smart and good looking, funny and empathetic... 

When I was a teenager I considered only the moment.

My son is a teenager and he has considered his future.

If he didn't look like me I would swear he was switched at birth.  This is my son?!

An Epiphany!

(Yes, I had to look up the proper spelling of "epiphany" in the dictionary - an actual book that is, not this online shit - a book with a cover and real paper and everything!  I am *so* old school.  Now, I am not referring to "A Christian festival held on January 6 to celebrate the manifestation of the divine nature of Christ to the Gentiles as represented my the Magi", nor am I referring to "A revelatory manifestation of a divine being" as defined in my Webster's II outdated dictionary.  I am, however, referring to "A sudden manifestation of the meaning or essence of something".)

My Epiphany:

Work Fucking Sucks.

Things that made me LAUGH this week:

Uh huh.  A sign for every romantic man out there.  Nothing says "I love you" on Valentines Day like blow jobs.

********

This is (an unfinished) plant cell (duh!).  Notice the ribosomes and chloroplast, and the ingenious nucleolus?  The artistic talent is truly amazing.  I'm a proud, proud mother.

******

Monday morning, 8:45 a.m., my boss enters my office and shuts the door.  Not a good sign.  He says:  so we've hired someone and she starts in 15 minutes.  She is NOT your replacement, we don't think we can get a paralegal hired until April or May.  She will be doing Annual Returns and Resolutions only.

Ok, I say.

But there's a catch, he says: She's 18 and has never worked in an office.  She has ZERO experience.

Uh huh, I say, thinking it's a joke.

No joke.

She's 18 with no office experience. 

So I started showing her the basics:  photocopying and filing.  The child did this on "bring your kid to work day", and caught on pretty quickly.  Thankfully she did too.

When her work email was finally set up she said to me:  Great, so what do I do with it?

My stomach is still sore from laughing so hard.

********

You poor, poor Sharpie. You just don't know what's coming, do you?

The child and I are putting the Sharpie through the ringer for his science fair project.  "Just how permanent are permanent markers?"  It's quite ingenious if I do say so myself.  We are taking different materials (paper, fabric, plastic, etc) and applying drops of different substances on it:  bleach, rubbing alcohol, soap and water, and then recording the results.  Not a grade 9 level you say?  All scientific research starts with the basics and that's just what we're doing.  (Not that I'm one of those parents who does *all* the work for the young scientific minds; last year "we" won an award for our project on how music affects plant growth and there's a reputation to maintain here you see.)

I went online to look at the Sharpie website to read their claims and was distracted by this:

80's Glam Fine Point Permanent Marker Collection!!! An 80's Glam Marker Collection???  Oh.  My.  God.  There is Jelly Pink, Argyle Green, Valley Girl Violet, Leg Warmer Orange, and Banana Clip Yellow.  This is thrilling!!  And at $6.99 (plus $400 in shipping), it's a steal!  Seriously though it is pretty cool and I'm sure the shipping isn't really $400.  I tend to exaggerate these things.

********

I'm feeling kind of displaced these days.  I suspect that's bound to happen when you make a career move.  Did I do the right thing?  Will I live to regret this?  I've never been one to be so anxious about change, in fact, I usually thrive on stress, change, potential life improvements, but I must admit I'm terrified.  I'm terrified that expectation levels (which come with such an increase in pay) will be way up here and I'll perform somewhere down there.  All normal I suspect.  I still feel displaced though.

********
Wrote my exam last night; I'm glad it's done.  Now on to Developmental Psychology.  I'm enthralled.  Finally a psyc subject that can hold my interest!  Looking ahead at the U Summer Schedule:  May - June:  Social Policy and Analysis, July - August:  Management Theory.  Such vague topics.  Let's hope I don't get slaughtered. 

Dirty Little Secret

I have a psyc exam on Tuesday so I've been busy studying for it most of the weekend, in between the glasses of wine of course.  I discovered last term that I actually write better under the influence.  I'm wondering if my understanding of sleep and language will be improved under the influence.  I guess one could say I'm performing a scientific study.  I should mention this to my prof - maybe I can get extra credit.

So I decided to take a study break this afternoon (others may call it "procrastinating"), and head to my local VV boutique.  What is this VV boutique you ask?  It's my dirty little secret.  It's something I've been doing since my single days: I occasionally shop at Value Village.  As mentioned previously, I AM CHEAP.  I'm not always cheap - I have paid full price for articles of clothing, shoes and accessories, but I do try and limit those purchases, perhaps not to the extent that some in my household would like, but still, I am pretty good.  Here, let me give you an example:

This dress was purchased last week from Ricki's, full price of $55 (including taxes).  Great dress.  I had to have it, so I bought it:

When worn to the office, I wear it as a longer-style shirt with either dress pants, skinny jeans or a black skirt.  It's just a little too short.  But to the bar or club - I would wear it with tights.  It's gorgeous.

And here's what I bought today during my study break for 50% less.  A shirt, skirt AND accessories for a grand total of $25:

I'm so proud of myself.  *beaming*

********

I came home from my successful shopping trip to find my man watching "Glory".  Yes, "Glory".  You know, the 1989 film about the first all black volunteer regime in the Civil War.  This is also the man who's bed time reading includes the 800 pound book entitled:  The Civil War, An Illustrated History.  I made him leave it at home when we went to Jamaica. It would have required it's own suitcase otherwise.

It dawned on me that all the men I've ever dated have all been preoccupied with war stuff.  I ran downstairs to the recroom and quickly scanned the bookcase.  Yup, there it was.  I had received from a then-boyfriend (2001?) a book entitled "The Wars" by Timothy Findley with an inscription inside that says:  "For Michelle, Just to show her that the subject of men's dark night does not have to be without nobility and serving grace." 

I think it was a Valentine's Day gift.  It's never been opened. Might be a good reference book for a history course.  You never know. 

********

So I decided to take pictures of my recent purchases for my blog and left the man in charge of watching the chilli on the stove.  He "lost track of time" (more like was SO enthralled with his war movie), that the chilli burned.

"Honey!" I cried as I entered the kitchen, "the chili is burning!!!"

"I didn't realize it was on so high" he says.

"It was on low, but you still have to stir it!" I reply.

"Oh" he says.

********

The Superbowl just started.  I think it's a football final or something.

I'm taking my box of wine downstairs to study and leave the man to his burnt chili and football.  He seems content.

********

Big Announcement!

February 4, 2011

Fillmore Riley LLP

Dear Tim and Nicolle:

I am writing you to express my thanks and appreciation to you and your colleagues for the time you spent with me in lead up to my accepting a position at your firm. 

I thought it was important to let you know that I found the interview process to be informative, positive and a great deal of fun.  The interview and our conversations left me with a great feeling about my future with your Firm and I am extremely excited to begin working with you.

Again, thank you for the great interview process and I look forward to seeing you on March 1, 2011. 

In the meantime, if you require any information from me, you can feel free to contact me at .......

Talk to you soon!

Michelle