A Day In The Life Of Kobe.

5:30 a.m.:  I am awoken from my deep slumber to the sound of someone in the kitchen.  The kitchen is where there is food!  Food sometimes gets dropped on the floor!  I am excited by the prospect of my feast and race out to the golden room.

5:32 a.m.:  There is no food on the floor.  I have sniffed and snorted out every square inch of the floor.  Twice.  I guess I should go outside.  Maybe there is food on the sidewalk.

5:34 a.m.:  This is exhausting.  I have pee'ed; I have sniffed out every inch of the sidewalk; even stuck my head in the snow in hopes there is food on the ground that I missed before, all to no avail.  If I go in the house now, I will get fed.  Dog food.  Blech.  But it's food. 

5:35 a.m.:  OHMYGOODGOD, THIS IS THE BEST FOOD EVER!!  I just can't eat it fast enough and, as I do every morning, I choke on it.  But if I don't get it all in my mouth in one bite, it will disappear.  I just know it.  I know these things.

5:38 a.m.:  So.  Tired.  Now.  Need.  A.  Nap.

3:30 p.m.:  I'm awaken from The People coming home.  FOOD!

3:31 p.m.:  Can I eat now?

3:41 p.m.:  Can I eat now?

3:51 p.m.:  I let The People pet me and I roll on my back.  I am so cute, how could they possibly not feed me now.  Look at me, even wagging my tail.  Hello People.  Will you feed me now?

3:57 p.m.:  Can I eat now?

3:58 p.m.:  Can I eat now?

3:59 p.m.:  I'm exhasted.  Need.  To.  Nap.  In.  The.  Kitchen.  Where.  My.  Food.  Will.  Be.  Soon.

4:45 p.m.:  There are rumblings in the kitchen.  I smell The Chicken.  Sometimes I smell The Tuna or The Beef or The Pork, but today it is The Chicken.  Oh it is heavenly.  People Food.  Drool pools at the corner of my mouth.

4:52 p.m.:   I simply can not take this anymore.  Pleeeeeeeeaaaassssse feed me!  Please?  Please?  Please?  Please?

5:00 p.m.:  OHMYGOODGOD, THIS IS THE BEST FOOD EVER!! I just can't eat it fast enough and, as I do every evening, I choke on it. But if I don't get it all in my mouth in one bite, it will disappear. I just know it.  I know these things.

5:05 p.m.:  So. Tired. Now. Need. A. Nap.

6:00 p.m.:  The People call this my "Entitlement Time".  I don't know what they mean.  Of course it's time for A Treat.  They are evil.  They make me suffer until 7:00 p.m.

6:15 p.m.:  Please can I have A Treat now?

6:30 p.m.:  Please can I have A Treat now?

6:45 p.m.:  Please can I have A Treat now?

6:50 p.m.:  Now?  Please?

6:55 p.m.:  Ohgod, my stomach hurts. I'm dying of starvation.  I don't know that I can even move.  I have no energy.  Ohgod, The People are so cruel to me.  Why?

7:00 p.m.:  OHMYGOODGOD, THIS IS THE BEST DOG TREAT IN THE WHOLE WORLD.  MUST SNIFF AND SNORT OUT EVERY SQUARE INCH OF THE KITCHEN FOR CRUMBS.

7:30 p.m.:  Sometimes The People take me for a walk.  Sometimes The People let me nap.  I don't really care either way.

8:30 p.m.:  Ohgod, I am exhausted.  I'm going to bed.  I wonder what kind of feast I will find in the morning.

20's, 30's, 40's.....

I caught the later bus this morning.  I haven't been on this bus before I think.  Well, I might have been on that particular bus I guess, but not at that specific time.  The bus is full and I glance around looking for a seat. I notice that everyone seems so unhappy and that saddens me. I found a seat beside a young girl carrying a bright green binder and her cell phone.  Do they call those hand-held items cell phones anymore?  The are more like little personal devices that form an extra appendage off the hand.  Anyway, the bright green binder was resting on the available seat and I stood there and waited for her to put the binder in her lap so that I could sit.  She seemed unimpressed with the whole deal, but I didn't care.  The bus lumbered along, heading downtown.  I took the time to look around me.  People don't take enough time to look around them, do they?  They are so intent on staring at their appendage in their hand.  I don't know that I've been anywhere where I didn't see someone looking down in their hands.  It's weird.  There's no personal interaction anymore but I suppose this is to my advantage:  I can people-watch to my heart's content.

There's one specific woman who has caught my attention.  She's Muslim, I guessed, based on her headdress and scarf.  She's my age I figured, with a beautiful face.  She looks tired though and I begin to wonder about her life.  Children?  Husband?  A job?  Is she happy in our country?  She's carrying a school bag - does she go to school?  What is she taking?  Is she succeeding?  The green-binder appendage-hand girl rings the bell.  She's getting off at the UofW.  Good luck to you sweetie, I think.  Be sure to turn your phone off in class; there's nothing that pisses the profs off more than cell phones in class.  I move over into the now vacant seat and the Muslim woman sits beside me.  She smells of bacon and I'm reminded of Sunday morning pancakes, bacon, and freshly ground coffee.  Oh yum.  I wonder if she makes big breakfasts for her family every morning.  I decide that she has 3 school age children.  I'm sure they are adorable.  I want to ask my seatmate about her life.  Tell me about you, I want to say although I don't though.  People don't talk on the bus.

My stop is next so I give my head a mental shake and focus on my day.

I am not in school this year and I miss it so much.  I've spent hours and hours in the backroom pouring over books and stressing over papers,  trying to figure out if what I have done is good or if it's just good enough.  I've taken the year off during the law school application process and accepted a position at a local vocational college instructing students on how to become legal assistants.  As I walk to the college I think of this professor I had once who said to the class: "Your parents have made you believe you can be anything you want to be.  It's my job to bring you back to reality."  Her statement really pissed me off at the time.  I though it extremely irresponsible to be telling young people that they couldn't dream. How dare she!  But now that I too am an "educator", I have to admit that I get it now.  You either have it or you don't.  It's my job to bring these students back to reality.  This same professor has influenced me so much over the past year even though she has no clue of it.  I think of her often.  I really should email her and tell her that one of these days.

I don't know if I want law school anymore.  What a CRAZY thing to say, I know.  I have worked so hard over the past few years for this.  If I could be anything, do anything, I would be a professional student.  I would go to school forever.  I miss going to the U, sitting in class, learning how to think in an entirely different way, being open to opinions and thoughts of others, and thinking to myself oh my god, I never thought of it that way before!  You know what scares me?  I teach students everyday about the world of lawyers and it has dawned on me that I want to BE one of them?  I've told myself for years that I will be different; I won't be like them.  I won't be money-hungry.  I won't work like a dog. I won't be anal-minded and eccentric.  I will make sure I have a life outside of the law!  Who am I kidding?  I know what lawyers are like; I've worked with them for 18 years for Christ sake!  Is that the life I want?  More importantly, do I want to spend $45,000 over the next 3 years and decide that it's NOT??

I like the education system.  It's fascinating to me.  I like that I'm not sitting in an office pumping out work like some sort of machine.  I feel like I'm making some sort of impact on the world, even if it's just resulting in a few great legal assistants.  Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life?  No, I want to be a professional student forever.  That would be my dream job.  In the meantime I am loving and hating my period of self-discovery.  I have a classroom full of amazing students right now.  They are bright, eager, and so much fun to hang out with.  They accept my imperfections and my answers of "You know, that's a really good question.  Let me look into it and let you know.", because I really don't have all the answers.  They make me laugh with their humour and they have really influenced the kind of person I want to be.  They make me happy.

Life sure is interesting as you age and grow.  My 20's were all about selfishness; 30's about self-discovery.  Will my 40's finally be about contentment?  Jesus, I hope so.

Till next time, my friends....

M.

6 Months Later....

For those of you who have bugged me to return.....this one's for you.

Let's see. Where to start.

I attended a 30 hour LSAT prep course in May. It was hellish. I was stuck in a classroom for 30 hours over a period of 3 days with spoiled rich kids whose sense of entitlement was quite a spectacular spectacle. During introductions one proud 22 year old boy announced that because he expects payment up front he will focus on tax law. It took everything in me not to walk up to him and slap that smirk right off his face. I can't wait to see him get knocked down a few pegs when he's out in the real world.

I wrote the LSAT in early June and concluded that if there is a hell, it would consist of writing ridiculous standardized tests prepared by pompous and arrogant Americans. Nearly six hours of trying to induce my brain to function at full capacity. Futile task really. I just don't think in those sorts of terms: I am neither analytical nor logical. But that doesn't mean I'm not smart. Standardized tests do nothing to test the boundaries of intelligence, particularly law school admissions tests. It produces a number and that is all. I am so relieved that my application will be based on experience and merit as opposed to a number because then I wouldn't have a hope in hell.

___________

I attended a golf tournament last week. I was told it was an "executive course". I'm not entirely sure what that means exactly but someone explained to me that it's a shorter course with only par 3 or par 4's. Sounds like a plausible explanation I suppose.

We rented a golf cart this year and I discovered the accessible beer can holders. Eureka! I and the beer truck girl became fast friends. I did a little golfing too but once again found myself confused over what number "stick" to use. I don't know why there are so many of them when in all reality, only 3 are required: 1 to hit the ball far; one to hit it not-so-far; and one to just tap it in the hole. Simple. Why make the game so confusing?

____________

I made my debut in a fashion show over the weekend, a fundraiser for a Lac du Bonnet organization called "Women Supporting Women". I felt like SUCH a nerd at first, but I got into it in no time at all. I had practiced my "blue steel" look for weeks prior but was too nervous to actually produce it. For the most part my heart was jumping out of my chest but you know what they say..... never let 'em see you sweat. It's how I live my life really. I rarely know what the hell I'm doing - I just give the impression that I do. So I pranced around modelling these beautiful dresses and outfits and smiled into the crowd praying I wouldn't trip. Walk, stop, pause, turn, walk, stop, pause, turn, walk.....suck in the stomach, push back the shoulders, smile, put one foot in front of the other.....there was a LOT to remember! It was quite exhausting really.

I've been invited to return next year so I couldn't have done all that bad. Besides, show me a girl who doesn't like to dress up and wear fancy clothes and jewellery! How could I possibly say no?

___________

My teenage man-child is gearing up to take his road test in a couple weeks. I feel old.

__________

I'm still smoking despite 3 attempts to quit over the last few months, 1 of which was really quite serious. I am so weak.

__________

Coors Light Iced Tea isn't very good. Beer is supposed to taste like beer, not tea.

_________

I have returned to work on nearly a full-time basis. I have kept my Wednesdays off for a couple reasons: First, I'm taking a summer session course at the U, and second, why not.

_________

And lastly, I am having a most difficult time trying to decide if I should bring a bottle of rum or a bottle of vodka home from my little trip to Minni this weekend. Decisions, decisions.

Z Rizdvom Khrystovym !

Merry Christmas!

It's been, like,  forever since I last blogged.  This working full time business has sucked every ounce of energy out of me.  I don't know how I ever did it before.  Ugh.  Just 2 and a half days next week and it's back to the regular scheduled program.  Thank god.

Lots of exciting things coming up in the next few months:

Tomorrow:  Christmas!
Dec. 27:  My Birthday!!
Dec. 31:  New Years!
Jan 5:  First day of school!
Jan 12 - 20:  Mexico!
April 5:  Last day of classes!
May 25 - 28:  LSAT prep course!
June 11:  LSAT!
July and August:  Full Time work!  (ugh)
Sept 30:  Full application, reference letters, personal statement, resume submitted to the Faculty of Law!

Phew!  It's going to be a crazy ass year my friends, and it's taken me 3 years to get here.  It's Finally Here.

*************

Michelle's Proud Parenting Moment # 87,347:

Weds. Dec. 21 @ 6:30 p.m.

The Boy, tossing is back pack over his shoulder:  I'm going out mom, I'll be back in an hour.

Me:  Where are you going?

TB:  I'm just going out.

Me:  What do you need your backpack for?

TB:  See you later.

Me (in a slightly freaking-out-sorta-voice):  Get back here!  Where are you going and what do you need your back pack for?  You better not be doing anything you shouldn't.  Are you going out drinking?  Are you buying pot?  Who are you meeting?  You better tell me right now before I grab you back pack and go through it and ground you for the whole Christmas break!

TB:  I'm going to the mall.

Me:  With your back pack???  ARE YOU STEALING???

TB:  No mom, I'm not drinking or smoking or stealing!  God!  I was going out to get your presents and I didn't want you to see what I bought you when I came home!!

Me:  Oh.  Well.  Ok.  Well, have fun.  Do you want me to give you a few ideas?

TB *rolling eyes*:  You just did.  See ya.

Wonder what that means?  There's an odd looking package under the tree wrapped in about 40 feet of wrapping paper secured with what looks like an entire roll of scotch tape.  Maybe it's a book about how to relax and cut your teenager some slack once in a while?  Poor kid.  Sometimes (read: not very often but once in a very rare moment), the teenage boy lowers that overly hormonal, shit-head, moody, self-involved shield and reveals an actual human being.  It's shocking when it happens but at least then I'm reassured that there's some humanity in there.  Most times I'm left wondering.

***********

I love presents.  I'm like the cookie monster of presents.  I'm worse than children when it comes to presents.  All these presents under the tree are KILLING me!!  I just can't stand it anymore.  One more sleep.

***********

Happy Holidays!

Specifically speaking of course.

Happy December all!  You know what this time of year brings?  FINALS!  Yes.  Thirteen weeks of classes and assignments, papers, long essays and short essays, and mountains and mountains of reading is finally at an end.  I wrote a final yesterday and wanted to skip down the sidewalk as I finished.  I have another one the end of next week and then I am done until the New Year.  Another 9 credit hours under my belt.  I'm on a roll here folks.  Only 9 more to go, an LSAT to write, a personal statement to draft, 3 reference letters to request, a resume to revise, a weekend long interview process and I will finally (finally!) find out if I'm accepted into the Faculty of Law.  The last 2 years has been a long, long road.  The end is near.  Bring it.

I understand it's Christmas time too.  Right.  Guess we need to put up the tree and shit.  Can't believe I'm not feeling it this year.  I'm just so wrapped up in my own little world and tend to forget there's all sorts of other things going on.  (Whhhhhaaaaaat? You mean there's more to life than school???)

I'm back to work full time Monday.  Oh god that SO SUCKS.  I don't know how I will ever put in 8 full hours of work for the next three weeks.  It will be exhausting. 

I did an online quiz the other day to see whether or not I'm an alcoholic. (See http://alcoholism.about.com/od/tests/l/blquiz_alcohol.htm to determine your alcohol abuse rate).  I answered 3 yes, 17 no.  Apparently I should seek immediate medical attention.  Right. Who hasn't felt remorse after drinking, or had a drink on their own, or had a few to drown their sorrows once in a while?  I mean, really.)  So I've decided instead of seeking advise from John Hopkins University Hospital to go out and celebrate the end of the term with my friends. 

Again, bring it.  That's my new motto.

 

She Speaks Out.

My sociology prof is a different sort of bird.  She loves to debate and argue but at the end of the day she will shoot you down and make you feel like a fool.  I have somewhat enjoyed the class by keeping my mouth shut.  It's been a very difficult process for an outspoken chick like me, but I was bursting to get my opinion in one of these days.  Well, apparently that day was yesterday.

The topic in class this week is "Deviance".  Oh fun!!  Yesterday we were discussing in particular, whether online porn or sex would be considered deviant.  The term deviant means anything that goes against cultural norms and apparently it doesn't always have a negative connotation (or so I've learned).  It's hard to wrap the brain around that, isn't it?  Here is how the conversation went between my prof and I before, oh, about 100 students or so:

Her:  Is online porn or sex deviant?

(And the regular, front row favoured types respond their typical kiss-ass response.  *Yawn*)

I think about it, formulate a response, and raise my hand at the back of the class.

Me:  Well, considering sex itself is a cultural norm, I'm not sure that online sex or porn could then be considered deviant.

Her:  People cannot have sex by themselves.

Me:  Well sure they can.  People masturbate.  Isn't that sex?

Her:  Individuals masturbate; people have sex. 

Me:  Ok.  The definition of sex is subjective then.  The fact remains that we don't generally discuss such private matters whether it be sex or masturbation, but it's still human nature to do so, therefore it's a cultural norm.  If people use online porn or sex to get off it doesn't matter because it's normal human nature to orgasm for pleasure. How can that possibly be deviant?

(And then I realized there were about 200 eyeballs staring at me.  I wanted to crawl under a rock.  Here I was discussing masturbation in front of strangers.  What's wrong with me?  But I was positive my point was a most excellent one and I wasn't going to back down.)

Her:  But you're looking at the term deviant as something negative.  Sex or masturbation isn't negative.  It's a cultural norm when the behaviour becomes ingrained in our everyday life that we don't bat an eyelash at even the mere mention of it.  Is online sex or porn deviant then?

Damn.  Good point.

Me:  (Silence....followed by a VERY reluctant nod of the head.)  Yeah, I guess it is. 

It just goes to show you that we really don't know what we think we know even when we think we know there's more to it.  You know?

Fascinating.

Bring it.

I'm feeling rather sparky these days which is pretty ironic considering I'm basically living off coffee, adrenaline and ciggs.  Went to see my optometrist last week and the first thing she said is "ooohhh...you're dehydrated.  Less coffee, more sleep."  Sure.  I will get right on that.  Bought me some Refresh Ultra to take care of the eye ball dehydration, and grabbed a Grande Americano with room from Starbucks to keep my brain functioning, and figured that should take care of that.


Seems I have a freckle on my left eye, 3 o'clock.  Nothing to be concerned about says the Dr., but it is interesting to note.  See, it's very common with brown eyes; not so common with blue, she tells me.  Fascinating.  Am I going to live?  Great.  That's all I need to know.


My eye sight has improved so I'm pleased as punch about that.  Still need to wear the suckers but not as often as I used to.  Little does she know that if I remember to even put them on it's a miracle.  But I have me a new prescription and I'm off to the races to find some new glasses.  That's always fun.  Bedazzled red frames, bring it!


*******


Are you wondering about the cigg reference above?  Yeah.  My 18th million attempt at quitting didn't quite cut it this time.  Ah well, there's always next time.  I hear the 19th million attempt is usually the successful one so that's what I'm going with.  Why stress. 


I saw my lit prof smoking outside last week.  Smokers have this funny little way of acknowledging one another, like we're part of this select little group.  It's an understanding of sorts.  Instant acceptance.  How wonderful for me that my lit prof and I share such an understanding.  The world is at my fingertips.  Literally.


*******


The boy had his very first date Saturday night. I don't think I was supposed to know but once he admitted he was going to see the new Twilight movie, the cat was out of the bag.  What 15 and a half yr old boy will admit to going to Twilight if not for a girl?  It was a blind date (well, as far as blind dates go with the likes of facebook and such), and he was being set up by his best friend's girlfriend.   


The girl's name is Brittany. She's 16.  (Oooooh an OLDER woman!!  The plot thickens.) 


Sunday morning I say:  "Sooooo!  How did it go?"


The boy says:  "She's nice." 


Ok.  Nice in what way?  Nice as in she's a nice person?  Nice in that she's pretty?  Nice in that she liked you? Nice in that she has a nice body?  What!  What!!  Oh it drives me crazy that the boy tells me NOTHING.   And I think it amuses the boy knowing that his silence drives me insane, which drives me even more insane. 


But I'm a savvy chick.  I'm a cool cat.  I'm smooooooth.  I figured I would just bide my time and get it out of him in time.


He spent the entire day Sunday applying for part-time jobs and texting on his phone with a big smile on his face.  Nothing further required.  We have success.


How... nice.

*******