This Artiste is Not Very Cultured!

I.  Am. Crafty. I am!  I was in a fabric store AND a craft store all in one night this week.  AND I even crafted something all by myself.  Of course the lady at the fabric store had no problem displaying her utter disgust at my lack of knowledge of the "pinking shear".  Why can't I just use my kitchen scissors, I asked.  I mean, what's the big deal?  And what the hell are pinking shears anyway?  They make some sort of curvy design on the fabric?  Who cares?  I don't have the patience to discuss the merits of the Pinking Shear so I just went and did things my way.  I think she took my picture in the parking lot and put me on their "Banned from the Store" list.   She didn't like me very much; I didn't take her pinking shear lecture seriously.  Clearly she needs a life.

And then I went to Michael's, the craft store to buy....(are you sitting down?)....raffia ribbon.  I know, right?  Me!  In a craft store.  So I'm walking up and down isle after isle, getting more and more frustrated because I can't find the stuff.  I muttered out loud "This is exactly why I pay people to do shit."  My God, who has the patience to do all this stuff!  Scrapbooking and paints and brushes and loose flowers and patterns and.....fuck man!  Seriously???  So finally I asked and I found.  Did you know there's about a  billion colours of raffia ribbon?  Well there is.  I stood there forever. I had this piece of fabric in my purse.  It's beige cotton.  Nothing fancy.  But I really don't know colours.  (When we bought this house, we painted our bedroom twice because of my colour choices so I'm not kidding when I say I don't know colours.  I lack ANY creative style whatsoever.)  So, what the hell goes with beige?  A darker beige!  Same colour palate I figured, so it's got to work.

What am I doing with beige cotton fabric and darker beige raffia ribbon you're probably wondering, right?

I'm decorating thank-you-for-coming-(to my parent's anniversary party) little jam jars!

I think they sort of look like little Arabian Sheiks, all lined up in my old fridge downstairs, but I'm quite proud of them.  They will do.

I made strawberry freezer jam yesterday (1/3 of which did not set properly - apparently pectin has a shelf life of less than a year, incase you didn't know), and then decorated them all Arabian Sheik-like.  I even added a label and everything.  They disintegrate in water - the labels I mean, not the jars.  Cool, eh?  But it's all home-made, made in total frustration by yours truly.  *Beams!*

So the cultered part.  Why is this Artiste not cultured?

So last night The Man and I went to a "laser" show.  (pronounced Dr. Evil style - quotations and all)  It was a laser show set to Radiohead at the Planetarium.  Sounds cool, right?  I think the Laserist (and yes, that is what they call themselves) choose the most obscure, never-heard-of-EVER Radiohead songs.  Oh how I wished we popped some mushrooms before we went.  I think we might have actually enjoyed it then.

But that's not the cultured part.

See, the Fringe Festival is going on, and the venues are all over the place downtown.  There was one right by the entrance of the lazer show.  We decided to look at the billboard thinking that maybe this year we will see what all the hype is about.  But I'm afraid I just don't get it. Why one would pay money to watch a lone man on stage talk for an hour I will never understand.  I'd rather spend the evening plucking out my arm hairs, one-by-one, ... followed by a leisurely walk-through of the entire Michael's craft store.

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